Ever since I read I’m Dancing As Fast As I Can by Barbara Gordon, an award-winning documentary filmmaker whose success and fame contributed to a harrowing addiction to Valium, I’ve marveled at how often I wind up putting too much on my plate even though I swear every week that I’m not going to do it. Despite the agreements I make with myself, I find saying “no” to life’s call to get out there and be seen not all that easy. Gordon’s very intimate story is the perfect example of how complicated and packed our lives can become, even with appointments, commitments, and charitable work for very good causes. So addicted was she to the feel-good rush of doing more, Gordon wound up taking 80 mg of Valium a day just to keep on top of all the anxiety and pressure she created with such a hectic schedule.

Why are we as women so eager to take on one more thing? Is it because we think __________ (fill in church dinner, family reunion, fundraiser, etc.) can’t be done without us? Is it because we worry what people will think if we don’t join in? Is it because spending time alone just doing nothing scares us to death?

According to Vicki Rackner, M.D., author and preventive health expert living in Seattle (www.medicalbridges.com), it may very well be due to something else — a woman’s need to be nice. “Being nice really can be dangerous to your health,” says Rackner. “Women love to please others and they also worry about what other people think of them. As a result, they tend to take on more chores and responsibilities, often putting their own health last.” Although women are naturally hardwired to take care of others first, Rackner suggests that women learn to step back and ask themselves, “Is what I’m doing working? Is it bringing me the joy and fulfillment in life that I want?”

Often the answers are shocking and it’s clear that some adjustments are needed. One of the first steps Rackner advocates is putting a simple “YES” list beside your telephone. On your “YES” list will be those priorities in your life that really do deserve your time and energy and when someone calls asking for another favor or inviting you to join another good cause, look at your “YES” list. Before you agree to do it, see that’s it’s aligned with your priorities. “Once people-pleasers get the importance of self-care, they’re generally on a good path,” she says. “The hardest part may be getting them started.”

Rackner suggests this four-step plan to finding a slower pace in life.

1) Challenge your belief that self-care is selfish. Realize that as you begin to take time for your life and your priorities, it may feel a bit awkward. People close to you may wonder why you decline an invitation or postpone a trip. Stick with it and you’ll find a new sense of self-respect that makes difficult choices easier to make.

2) Don’t say “yes” or “no” upon the first request. Women are so eager to say “yes” in order to appear nice or helpful they often don’t realize saying “yes” to this will mean having to say “no” to something equally if not more important down the road. It’s not about being vague, but rather respecting the fact that you cannot be all things to all people. Say instead, “Let me check my calendar and get back with you.”

3) Engage in daily activities that promote good health. Exercise, healthful eating, drinking lots of water, getting a good night’s rest, building healthy relationships, etc. are all ways to cherish yourself and practice self-care.

4) Do something daily to recharge your battery. Each of us has an inner passion and source of great strength and energy. Find yours, whether it’s taking a salsa dance class, writing a poem, or hiking in the woods. These moments of “just me” are treasures and are much more restorative than another dinner out.